Should Vegans Acquaint with Nonvegans?
"When you avoid conflict to keep the peace, you start a war inside yourself."
-Unknown
An Introvert's Inner Monologue
Lately, I've really struggled with this question. As I've had to step out of my vegan bubble more often than I like (which is any time that's more often than never), I keep asking myself if I should not just befriend carnists, but even acquaint with them. In general, I dislike human interaction because I'm the Introverted Activist; I have a reputation to uphold. But I find that just being around carnists is emotionally draining. Attempting to make small talk - which I already detest - makes me want to rip my hair out.
Why Does This Bother Me So Much?
This isn't because I think they're bad people; I know they're not. We've all been misguided and deceived into being carnists. And it's not that I'm an unpleasant person - at least, I don't think I am. I'm perfectly polite: I smile, say kind things when I should, nod at their words, and laugh at appropriate times. And those behaviors come much more easily in conversations about veganism or with other vegans, because that's when I become the expert - the one with something valuable to share. It's what I am most passionate about.
Generally, when I have to communicate with someone, it somehow comes up that I'm vegan (people really seem to like talking about food, which makes for extra-awkward conversation with me). Then, I have to decide how much to say. Obviously, I can't go straight into ethics, because that's usually too much for carnists to handle in a "normal" setting. Usually, I talk about health, since most people are somewhat interested in that. But still, I'm met with an emotional stiffness, a coldness, from them. Though I'm trying to be as understanding and nice as possible, I can sense their distaste for my words.
Am I Discriminating?
I don't think most vegans want to share their dislike of carnism. They generally say that we should be accepting and understanding of nonvegans because we were once in their shoes. And I'm not trying to discredit that or say in any way that is a wrong approach. In fact, I envy vegans who can so easily do it. However, I still have two issues with this. One, I sometimes get a negative vibe from these vegans, as if they're against other vegans who don't view carnists and carnism the same way. It's like they're trying to defend carnists' excuses, choices, and opinions over other vegans. (Again, I'm not saying that all vegans are like this, just some.)
Two, would we be trying to force ourselves to be more "open-minded" and accepting of carnists if they were eating, wearing, and abusing dogs or cats or dolphins or children? I certainly don't think so, especially if we look at our friends in China and Korea who eat dogs and cats. The Western public is very vocal in their negative feelings toward these Asian cultures and practices. So what's the difference? Why is it ok for me to be viscerally angry with Koreans for eating dogs but not ok for me to feel that way toward other Americans for eating every other species of animal?
What is Discrimination?
At the end of the day, I don't see it as discrimination to discriminate against those who discriminate against others. (Wow, I just said that word way too many times!) For example, I would want absolutely nothing to do with a racist, a child molester, or a murderer. Wouldn't it be weird if I wasn't racist but publically claimed that we should be more tolerant of people that are racist? That we should give them the benefit of the doubt, that they're actually good people, that we should be more accepting of their choice to be racist. Doesn't that sound absurd? As I said in "A Rational Explanation of Veganism from an Ex-Nonvegan," racism was a legal and commendable trait of American culture until just a few decades ago. Just because a discriminatory way of thinking is socially acceptable, that doesn't make it in any way ok. The problem that arises here is that most nonvegans don't even realize that they're discriminating, and that's where my inner struggle comes in to play.
Answer the Question Already! Should Vegans Acquaint with Nonvegans or Not?
Well, I don't think there really is an answer. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to veganism and outreach. Some vegans are perfectly comfortable acquainting with and befriending nonvegans. Some aren't. Truly, I think it's up to each individual. Personally, I prefer to limit my contact with carnists (and humans in general) as much as possible. Obviously, it's impossible to completely remove nonvegans from your life, especially when it comes to friends and family. And just being a member of society means that you will undeniably have to acquaint with nonvegans sometimes. And I'll (begrudgingly) admit that can bring about great changes in their lives, as well as your own, knowing that you helped them get even just a little closer to veganism. Yet still I struggle with it.
How Does This Impact Veganism?
I know it hinders my ability to speak up for the animals and change people's minds, which makes me feel like a "bad vegan" sometimes. I go back and forth on the issue, telling myself to just deal with it one day, but the day after I'm reminding myself how much it wears me down to go through these conversations and ruminate on them for hours, days, or weeks afterward, thinking about what I could've articulated better or a certain statistic that would've fit in perfectly with my argument. (And those thoughts are often what generate blog posts like today's!) By the end of this post, I was hoping to reach some sort of conclusion - something to satiate my thirst for answers - but alas, I am still confused.
be conscious, be kind, be vegan