Overcoming Vegan Guilt

Jul 20, 2020

"Animals are such agreeable friends--they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms."
-George Eliot

Understanding Your Guilt

The phenomenon of vegan guilt is pretty self-explanatory: it is a state of mind in which vegans feel guilt or remorse over something, generally their past actions as a carnist. The most common example of this is the initial burst of emotions--ranging from falling into a deep depressive state to feeling uncontrollable fury at the world to going into a state of mental shock--after converting to veganism and making the realization that you actively participated in the most horrendous discrimination and abuse this planet has ever seen. It can also occur in response to feelings of suffocation as the weight of every carnist's actions wear you down or as a result of feelings of inadequacy, as if you alone are responsible for (and failing at) saving the world.

If you are feeling this way or have experienced these emotions before, you are not alone! This is incredibly common in the vegan community, and it would behoove us seasoned vegans to be more compassionate and empathetic to vegans experiencing this trauma. Because being vegan, especially in the early days, can be traumatizing. Not for the reasons that carnists think, but because we are so profoundly affected by the level of injustice that it's like the rest of the world has become deafened by the overwhelming force of normalized oppression of other animals. It can feel futile, like trying to scream over a crowd. So, what can you do about it? How do we overcome these feelings crushing us?

No One Knew

99 percent of vegans were once carnists (and speciesists to boot). Even when I was eating chicken every day and proclaiming myself as the biggest animal lover around--heck, even feeling superior to others because I was more compassionate towards animals than them--the thought never occurred to me that I was a total hypocrite. Humans are a herd species; we like to stick with our flock. And we do this even when it goes against our better judgment because we feel safe with the protection of others around us. I understand how overwhelming feelings of guilt can be, but you can't blame yourself anymore now that you're on the right path.

That's not to say that you should just completely let yourself off the hook. The way you lived before going vegan was unethical, even if you didn't know it; ignorance isn't always a valid excuse. But sometimes those feelings of remorse and remembering how traumatizing it was to learn about the exploitation in which you participated can help motivate you to keep going.

Forgiving What You Knew

I don't believe there's such a thing as an overnight vegan (even though I call myself one). Sure, there's usually a certain experience that pushes you over the edge to commit to the lifestyle, but that's generally after having many other similar experiences beforehand. For me, I began watching Animal Cops when I was only ten or eleven years old because, despite how sad it made me to see dogs and cats and horses so abused, I needed to see their abusers face justice, and I could connect with the investigators saving animals' lives; they were my heroes. Around the same time, I stopped eating "red meat" after passing by a truck full of pigs on the road because I didn't want to be the one responsible for putting them in there.

And just a few months before going vegan, while on vacation, I went out fishing with my parents and we caught and killed as many fishes as were legally allowed. Even then, I knew what I was doing was wrong. Every time we opened the cooler with a fresh catch, I saw the faces of all the other fishes, their mouths gasping for water as their bodies froze, all piled on top of each other and crushing the poor fishes below them. To this day, this is one of the things I feel most guilty about in my entire life, and I know that nothing I do can ever truly make right the wrongs I committed as a carnist. But the despair I feel over my past apathy towards certain species and remembering all the lives I took because of my ignorance keeps me fueled. Even when it hurts, I never want to forget that; I always have to remember why I'm vegan and why I need to continue speaking up for animals.

We all were aware of animal exploitation in some way before going vegan. Maybe we knew about those undercover slaughterhouse videos that we could never stomach watching, or maybe we heard about an investigation into a farm that makes our favorite brand of cheese, or maybe we didn't want to dive into the ethics of keeping animals in zoos because we knew we wouldn't like what we saw. We all do it because we prefer to see the good in the world over the bad, particularly when we're directly participating in the bad; we don't want to be responsible for actions that directly contradict our values. But as long as you made that choice to stop looking away from animal exploitation and continue to remain committed to animal liberation, it's ok to feel some compassion for your past self, just as we should show compassion to current carnists. The way I see it is that we cannot control the past, so there's no point in wallowing there. Past mistakes don't dictate who you are in the present or who you can become in the future.

Do Something

One important thing I learned during my brief stint in therapy is that just talking to someone every week about the issues rattling around in your mind is only one part of overcoming problems. Though it is beneficial, you also need to take action to tackle these demons. This can include literally taking action by becoming an activist. And it can also include intention and thoughtfulness with yourself and taking time in your daily routine to remind yourself that you're a good person and you are, in fact, making a positive difference in the world just by being alive.

If you're feeling guilt over not doing enough for animals as a vegan, then you are the one standing in your own way; you hold all the power to change that. Think about what you're already doing for the animals and what the next steps could be. Maybe you want to focus more on grassroots activism instead of just on social media, so what are some activities to try first? Maybe a Save Movement vigil or a Cube of Truth; check their websites to see if there are chapters in your area to get started. There's always more to be done.

However, don't overextend yourself by trying to do too much; that will only lead to burnout. Even though you may feel guilty whenever you're not speaking up for animals, that only exacerbates the remorse you're trying to overcome. It's important--essential, actually--to recognize that you can only do so much, that what you're doing is making a difference, and allow yourself time to rest and recover, especially if you're getting involved in more intense activism (vigils, outreach with carnists, investigations, direct action, etc.).

Developing Healthy Habits

When it comes down to it, overcoming vegan guilt is all about fostering a positive mindset and taking care of your mental health. Without allowing yourself to be kind and forgiving of your actions--past or present--you will never be able to move on and be as effective a vegan and an activist as you can be. There's nothing abnormal with feeling remorse over things that have happened in the past, but holding onto them will only bring you more pain. Compassion to all animals, including yourself, is paramount to veganism.

be conscious, be kind, be vegan