How to Talk to Non-Vegans
"Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen."
-Winston Churchill
How Do I Talk to People About Veganism? Help!
One of the scariest parts of being a new vegan is being confronted by nonvegans with questions, especially those intended to reaffirm their own beliefs that it is normal to eat and exploit animals. While there are tons of techniques to this, here I will try to break it down as much as possible and offer you real examples of things to say when in conversations like these.
1. Show That You Care
First, engage with the person. This is called active listening. By simply nodding your head as they talk, making eye contact, giving them verbal affirmations that you hear what they’re saying, and showing them positive body language, they will feel more comfortable in your presence. It’s important to remember that most people want to talk to you because they are genuinely curious about veganism. While some of the things they say or ask may seem silly, they probably don’t realize how their argument sounds from your perspective. Give them positive energy and encourage them to speak their minds.
2. Really Listen to Them
Reward them by saying, “That’s a really good question,” or, “Yeah, I thought the same thing too.” Doing so helps you build rapport and creates a more solid connection with them. Remember that at some point in your past, you had similar thoughts when you were questioning veganism, probably wanting vegans to be crazy animal-loving maniacs. Before going on to answer them, restate their question to ensure you’re understanding correctly. And sometimes when they hear their own words coming from you, they realize that their excuse doesn’t make sense. If you want more information on this, check out Amazing Vegan Outreach – his primary form of activism is teaching other activists how to most effectively communicate. He hosts workshops, and several of his speeches and webinars are available on his YouTube channel. He is truly an expert on the subject.
3. Learn How to Speak
One of the most common tips you’ll hear from activists is to use the Socratic Method. Simply, this means answering their questions or statements with questions of your own. One of my favorite examples of this is when carnists bring up the “humane” myth, claiming that maybe it’s ok to kill and eat animals if they’ve had a good life and die peacefully. Then, you can ask them if they know the definition of humane. They’ll probably say something, but this is when you get them: “It means to show benevolence or compassion. Is there a compassionate way to kill someone who doesn’t want to die?” Boom. There is no answer to that because they know you’re right. Sometimes, people try to argue for the sake of their own pride, but many people will acquiesce that you are correct or that they don’t know.
If you want more information on how to deal with carnist arguments, watch activism videos of Cube of Truths online. Pay attention to how the activists interact and communicate with people. Also, Earthling Ed has a great TEDx Talk and a free ebook covering basically every excuse you’ll ever hear and how to counter them. It’s available free on his website, though donations are accepted to help pay for the time and effort put into writing it. Sherry Colb’s book Mind if I Order the Cheeseburger?: And Other Questions People Ask Vegans both asks and answers questions posed to vegans – a great read.
4. Prepare Questions
It’s great to have questions to ask written down or memorized so you always have go-to things to say when in conversations like this. An example of this that I found really powerful comes from Matt Stellino in an interview with Joshua Entis on his four questions he always asks in outreach conversations: Do you think animals are capable of suffering? Do you ever want to be the reason why an animal suffers? Do you think meat, eggs, and dairy cause suffering? Knowing these things, do your actions align with your ethics?
Here are some more questions to ask, especially when questioned on why you’re vegan:
Would you choose to hurt someone if you were given the option not to?
Would you want to save someone that was suffering?
Would you even go out of your way to help that suffering someone?
Though you have access to many alternatives, are you still buying animal products? What is it about animal products that makes them so difficult to give up?
5. Why Love One & Eat the Other?
Whenever you can, refer back to dogs or cats. Our speciesist minds think of these kinds of animals, and other "pet" animals, as superior to most others. We include them as members of our families. People have even risked their lives to save dogs! If they say that cows were created to be food for us, ask them if they’d say the same thing about dogs. Of course, unless they’re lying to themselves, the answer will be no. If they say it’s just normal for us to love dogs and eat cows, ask if they are ok with the Yulin Dog Festival in which they celebrate the murder and consumption of dogs.
6. Plant Seeds
Next, don’t take things too seriously. We often feel the need to convert everyone with whom we speak, but that’s simply not possible. Your job is to get someone to seriously consider the topic, maybe for the first time ever. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Try to remain calm and speak with them casually. It will put both of you at ease.
7. Some People Won't be Responsive
Unfortunately, there will be times when people want to talk to you solely for the purpose of ruffling your feathers, so to speak. It’s important to not sink to their level, and you must learn when it’s time to leave a conversation. If they are laughing at you, verbally abusing you, or treating the conversation as a joke, your time is better spent elsewhere talking with someone who cares. Excuse yourself politely and walk away. It’s unfortunate that it has to come to that sometimes, but it does no good to stay and argue with someone like that.
8. Don't Try to Act Like Someone Else
Also, though you will hear many useful tips on speaking with nonvegans, the most important one is to be yourself. Communicate in a way that is easiest and most effective for you. If that means polite conversation about environmental destruction, that’s great. If it means getting a megaphone and shouting in the streets to end the slaughter, perfect. Everyone is a great communicator when they use their own unique method. Don't feel pressured to do what other people are doing; that's how we got into this whole carnism thing. Some people don’t pull punches, like Gary Yourofsky. Others, like Earthling Ed, use carefully chosen rhetoric and never lose their cool. All methods are effective because when people see that you are being genuine, they respect and gravitate toward your message.
9. You Can Use (Almost) All of These Tips Online, Too!
Finally, many of the things I’ve said relate to speaking in-person, but if you’re like me, you’re not about human interaction. That’s why the internet is such an amazing place. You can still talk to people online, having the ability to share videos, images, and facts with them right then and there. However, this is where most of the vegan abuse comes from. Online, people feel like they can say whatever they want without repercussion. For some reason, many people enjoy being particularly cruel on the internet – way ruder than they’d ever have the guts to be in person. As a rule of thumb, don’t respond to trolls. They’re just fishing, for lack of a better word, for a triggered vegan to go off on them; they enjoy that.
10. Share Facts
Instead, interact with people interested in veganism or people spreading false information about the topic online. If someone is going around saying that eggs are healthy, you come back with a nutritionfacts.org video proving that it’s actually illegal for eggs to be marketed as anything related to healthy or nutritious. Most of the time, people share such ridiculous information to make themselves feel better about their unethical choices, and they want others to affirm that they’re correct for not being vegan. However, when we’re presented with these opportunities, we have a responsibility to respectfully and intellectually respond. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, check out my tips on vegan education, because there’s no way you’ll feel ready to talk to people unless you learn whatever you can about the different aspects of the topic.
11. It's Alright to Get Emotional - In the Right Way
Sometimes you need to cry. Sometimes you need to yell. Sometimes you need to remain calm. It is absolutely ok to do any of these things...as long as they're done in the appropriate setting. It's important to recognize when you should convey certain emotions. If you're talking to someone about chick culling, completely stone-faced, that might not translate well to them. If something makes you upset, express that. But don't direct any of your anger or frustration at the person with whom you're communicating. Let them share these emotions with you; it's likely they'll also be disturbed by what you're sharing with them, especially at a Cube of Truth with the footage right in front of you.
Don't Wait. Start Talking About It Now!
You’ll never really feel ready, and – if you’re like me – there will always be a nervous pit in your stomach whenever someone brings up the topic. But you’ll be amazed at how good you feel after throwing down some of your awesome knowledge on an unsuspecting carnist. Just remember to not take yourself too seriously and that you’re there just to have a conversation. I've only skimmed the surface of all the possibilities, so please check out the sources I've linked to throughout this post.
be conscious, be kind, be vegan