QUIZ: Are You an Animal Lover? (+ free download!)

Apr 30, 2020

"Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them."
-George Orwell,
1984

The Quiz

Your coworker gives you a wool sweater for Secret Santa. How do you respond?
1. Thank her graciously but secretly wish she gave you an Amazon gift card instead.
2. You're thrilled and tell her that you'll be wearing it to your family's holiday party that weekend.
3. You, privately, inform her as to why you don't wear wool and ask her if she still has the receipt so you can exchange it for something else.
You've been wanting to bring a companion animal into your life for a while now. Where do you go?
1. The pet store downtown.
2. Wherever the best corgi breeder is.
3. The local animal shelter.
Why did you want to have a companion animal?
1. You were kind of lonely and bored. Plus, animal pictures are popular on Instagram.
2. You've always lived with pets in the house.
3. You get to rescue them from potentially life-threatening situations, and in addition to that fact, their unique personalities bring you joy.
It's your daughter's birthday, and she's been begging to go to the zoo. What do you do?
1. If that's what she wants, that's what you'll do.
2. Are you kidding? You love the zoo!
3. Take her to an animal sanctuary instead.
You have a special evening planned for your girlfriend as a three-year anniversary gift. Where do you take her to dinner?
1. The local gastropub -- something fun and casual.
2. A steakhouse -- the epitome of fine dining.
3. Her favorite plant-based cafe.
You finally popped the question and are planning your honeymoon. Where do you go?
1. SeaWorld -- family-friendly fun.
2. The Yulin Dog Meat Festival -- all sorts of new foods to try!
3. An African safari -- appreciate from afar.
After finishing your last bottle of shampoo, you're now on the hunt for a new one. Which brand do you buy?
1. Whatever's cheapest. You're not picky.
2. You know that only the best companies test on animals to ensure their products are safe for human use, so you exclusively support those brands. After all, the bunnies knew you were worth it.
3. Actually, Option Two, that's not quite right. There's no logical reason to torture animals, especially since the results often fail in human trials. (Just because some lab rats survived experimentation, that in no way guarantees the product is safe for humans. Because rats aren't humans.) So you only look for bottles with the cruelty-free logo on the back to ensure no bunnies or mice or dogs suffered for your healthy hair.
One afternoon, you spot a small spider taking a little tour of your home. How do you react?
1. Run away screaming in search of someone else to deal with it.
2. You consider squashing her under your foot but instead opt to pick her up and pull each of her eight tiny legs off. You like watching them squirm.
3. You capture her under a bowl and transport her outside to live another day.
You're hosting a dinner party for some friends and are trying to figure out what to prepare for them. What will be the main course?
1. You'll just buy something prepared from the grocery store.
2. Your neighbor's dog. Darn thing barks too much.
3. A Tofurky roast.
You're on vacation in Las Vegas and are attending a magic show when the magician suddenly brings out a tiger. How do you feel?
1. Curious as to how he did that.
2. Amazed. It's so pretty!
3. Upset that you're sitting there supporting this and embarrassed for not having researched the show better before going.
Your family's annual fishing weekend trip is coming up in a few weeks. What do you tell them?
1. Can't wait!
2. You'll only go if you get to gut all the fish.
3. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but you don't think killing animals is fun, so you won't be going this year.
Do you often kick your companion animal?
1. Not intentionally.
2. Oh, yes. Better than a stress ball!
3. No. Like humans and all other sentient creatures, domestic animals feel pain.
You're trapped on a deserted island with no food. What do you eat?
1. Hopefully a fish will sacrifice himself to you.
2. You'll kill anything that moves.
3. Wow, you didn't think you'd have to answer such a stupid question on a vegan website, but if you have to: Since you live in the modern world with basically no hunting experience other than what you've seen in movies, you probably won't try your hand at creating weapons and shooting those colorful birds you saw flying earlier. And you think you'll steer clear of the screaming monkeys in the trees. Since you're too slow to catch anything other than a snail, and you doubt any baby bunnies would willingly approach you, you'll take your chances foraging for fruits and other plants.
Should animal lovers kill animals?
1. It depends on the situation.
2. Of course. Certain animals are designed to be killed.
3. Absolutely not. That's like asking if dog lovers should kill dogs.
Should animal lovers wear animal skins and furs?
1. You think it's fine occasionally, especially if the products are used over a long period of time. Some wool sweaters last decades.
2. By wearing them, we show that we love them.
3. If that were our only option, we might have to, but we have the option to choose to wear other materials instead, materials that mimic almost exactly their animal-based counterparts.
Should animal lovers eat animals?
1. Sometimes it's ok.
2. Definitely. Certain animals were made to be eaten by humans.
3. No. With so many edible plants and plant-based alternatives available to us, continuing to eat animals is illogical and inefficient.

Analyzing Your Results

If you answered mostly Option One:

You don't really care for animals one way or the other, so you are not an animal lover. Sometimes, you find them interesting, but sometimes they creep you out. You don't really care if they exist or not; you just don't want anything to do with them.

If you answered mostly Option Two:

You actually hate animals. (Not sure why you decided to take this quiz.) You actively seek to harm them whenever possible and take immense joy in doing so. From the nature of your responses, you show great promise to become a very successful serial killer.

If you answered mostly Option Three:

You are an animal lover! Because of this, you actively do your best to avoid causing them harm, even at the risk of your reputation with others. You openly welcome being labeled as "that crazy animal person."

be conscious, be kind, be vegan

Below, you can download a PDF of the quiz:

Quiz: Are You an Animal Lover?Download

You can also view the PDF & other free resources here.

Take the first quiz:

"QUIZ: Are You an Herbivore or an Omnivore? (+ free printout!)"

*Please note that this quiz is meant to be slightly facetious, a way of using humor to open discussion as to why so many of us consider ourselves animal lovers and yet consume (or consumed) animal products.