7 Reasons Why Your Family Isn't Vegan

Nov 18, 2019

“And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular; but one must take it because it is right.”
-Martin Luther King Jr.

The Holiday Season

We are in the holiday season now, with awkward family gatherings looming on the close horizon. We're preparing for the uncomfortable "I'm vegan" conversations, the rude bacon jokes, and the silly questions we've heard hundreds of times. We're worrying over the questionable food that will be served, the accidentally nonvegan gifts, and that one relative that's just waiting to rip you a new one. It's the most stressful time of the year, but I'm here to help you understand why your family absolutely refuses to even try veganism. Once you understand why, hopefully that will help you with how to get them to make positive changes.

1. You're Too Close

Whether we like it or not, family is family, and that brings a certain bond that links you together. But sometimes the people you're closest with are the most difficult to talk to. Because once you share that with them, it's out there forever. Day after day or year after year you'll see them, and there will always be that memory of "the vegan conversation." That puts so much pressure on us to ensure the discussions we have with family go well and that we show veganism in a favorable light. And because of that huge weight on our shoulders, everything gets much harder.

2. The Old You

For most of your life, or at least a large part of it, you probably weren't vegan. Your family only knows that nonvegan side of you. That's all you are to them. But when you suddenly make this change to veganism, even if you'd been phasing out certain animal products over a period of years, it's like you're a completely different person to them. And that's hard to fathom that this person they watched grow up or who raised them or who always made the best pigs in a blanket every Christmas is now so different. So instead of trying to comprehend this massive shift in their lives, they choose to continue to see you as the person you were.

3. They Don't Respect You

Our family doesn't respect us. Not in the sense that they don’t care about us or our feelings (at least I hope), but they don’t see us as an "expert." They see us as silly or unrealistic or juvenile. That’s a tough pill to swallow when the people who supposedly care the most about us don’t care enough to listen. But there is hope. Because the vast majority of people in the world are not your family, there are billions of people out there that don’t know anything about you. To them, you are the vegan expert, and they are just waiting for you to fill their head with vegan knowledge. So, you focus on converting other people’s families and let others convert your family.

4. It's All a Joke

Probably the hardest part about family's resistance to veganism is the jokes. They think they can continue to joke around like they used to, not knowing that everything has changed. Or, they know you'll get triggered by their comments and think it's humorous to make fun of the vegan. How terrible is that? Our family, the people that are supposed to love and care for us more than anyone else in the world, think it's amusing to poke fun at our choice to live as compassionately as possible. Surely, most of them wouldn't say things like that to strangers. This stems from the idea that they just don't respect you enough to understand your decision to be vegan or they can't comprehend that it is a serious ethical issue, not just a diet.

5. It's "Just a Phase"

When I told my parents I'd gone vegan, they barely batted an eye, and I believe it's because they thought I was just going through a phase. (To be fair, I was pretty blasé about it. Just a "Hey, I'm vegan now," and that was that.) Obviously, as time went on, they realized that I was serious, but it was still not a point of contention; it's just who I was. But some family members don't quite get that, and they're just waiting for you to come back to the dark side. They try to entice you with meats or chocolates or other things you used to enjoy, not knowing how incredibly offensive that is. To prevent this, try to have a genuine discussion with them to show that this is a serious issue, something that means enough to you to go through the trouble of changing major aspects of your life.

6. You Disrespected Them

It seems like a betrayal, like an attack on their character for you to reject the way they live. To them, it could appear as if you're insulting or passive-aggressively attacking your family's values, values you shared not long ago. Like a slap in the face to the way you were raised. The best way to deal with this is to act the same around them, to show that you're still the same person that loves and cares about them. And remember that you probably would've reacted similarly if a family member went vegan before you.

7. You're Preaching

We have the best intentions, but sometimes we get a bit carried away talking about veganism. It can come off as preachy to others, especially if there are no other vegans. We have to see from their perspective when we speak because everything we say, to them, is like an attack against their way of life. We know it isn't, but they just don't understand that. It's ok to dial it back a bit to preserve familial relationships.

**Please peruse the resources listed below for tips on how to deal with family, including my blog post on handling the holidays with nonvegans.

Hopefully, this didn't discourage you from encouraging your family to try veganism. There are many vegans that successfully get relatives to make the switch, and different approaches work for different people. My best piece of advice is to just live by example. You shouldn't try to place the immense pressure of converting your loved ones on yourself all the time. Pick the right moments to plant seeds, and you will one day be rewarded with acceptance.